Your wedding planner is there to help design your wedding day, keep your wedding party and vendors on schedule, avert disasters—and do it all while keeping their cool. And while that job may look like a lot of fun, it’s not all champagne and roses. In fact, there are some things planners would like you to know, but don’t really get the chance to tell you. So in the name of harmonious wedding planning, here are are a few little secrets your wedding planner wants you to know.
1. They’re not your personal assistant.
Of course your planner is there to help you manage all those to-dos. But if you (or your future in-laws) are expecting them to cater to your every whim from now until the main event, you (or they) may be confusing a wedding planner with a personal assistant. A planner handles wedding-related tasks, timelines and coordination—not schedule doctor appointments, wait for the cable technician or fetch dry cleaning. It has to be mentioned, since some consultants have been tasked with keeping an eye on all the kids during the reception, that your planner is also not a babysitter. Your planner can’t make sure things go as they should if they’re soothing crying toddlers.
2. They don’t want to do your personal dirty work.
Weddings naturally bring out a some sticky social situations, and most planners are more than happy to tutor you on proper etiquette and offer advice for guest list drama and cake controversies. But it’s not their job to handle every personal challenge. As in, don’t have your planner confront someone in your wedding party about they’re bad attitude, or
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3. They’re willing to tell a white lie (if it’s for the best).
Occasionally, especially on your wedding day, your planner may hide something from you—but only if it means averting a meltdown. Let’s say you’re expecting sugar flowers on your cake, but when it arrives your planner notices it’s covered in fresh blooms instead. If you don’t notice anything, your planner might not even mention the whole fresh flower thing (until later, of course), in an effort to keep the peace.
4. They actually want you to have an opinion.
While flexible couples can be a planner’s dream, indecisive ones can sometimes be their worst nightmare. Don’t be one of those couples who can’t make a single decision without them. Your planner is there to help you narrow down all those overwhelming options, but they can’t be as helpful as possible if you don’t give them a little something to go off of.
5. Their time is valuable—use it wisely.
You’re important to your planner, but remember, you’re not their only client. Their time is valuable and it isn’t free, so be careful not to waste it on things you could figure out yourself or ask your family or wedding party members to help with. And another no-no is asking your pro to take you to caterers or bakers you have no intention of booking, just because you know you’ll get a free tasting out of it. Rely on your planner to suggest vendors and help you choose between them. But if you want them to be there every step of the way, you’ll have to pay for it.
6. They don’t respond well to a ‘bridezilla’.
No matter how talented your planner is, at some point, they might share an idea that doesn’t match up with your style. Instead of making a snap judgement, consider it for a minute or two before explaning why it’s not your taste. While your planner wants you to share your honest opinion, it’s important to be mindful of basic manners. For the best service and the best results, treat your wedding planner—and all your vendors—with the same respect you expect to be treated with. Be honest, be cooperative, be realistic, be respectful and, above all, remember that your planner is your best ally.
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