We know as well as anyone that being a bridesmaid is an amazing experience and total honor—but it can also have its downsides. On one hand, you get to play an important role in one of the happiest days of your friend’s life. On the other hand, with so many personalities thrown together and expenses popping up left and right, you never know what you’re going to get. Our relatable wedding party pet peeves will remind you you’re definitely not alone (even we wedding editors at The Knot agree with you!). Read our biggest grievances and take notes—whether you’re a bride or a bridesmaid, there are some great pointers in here about how to avoid and handle tension.
“My biggest pet peeve is when the bride doesn’t take the time to appropriately foster relationships between the bridesmaids. They do so much work behind the scenes planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party, and it’s not always an easy fit when there are friends from different stages of the bride’s life. I’ve been in so many bridal parties where the bridesmaids don’t get along and there was a lot of drama behind the scenes because so many egos were at play.” —Whitney Little, Associate Director, Social Media
“It can be stressful when the bride is super disorganized and always tells her bridesmaids anything’s fine. It’s great to be laid back—a ‘bridechilla’ is always better than a bridezilla—but there comes a certain point when bridesmaids need a cohesive color and fabric, or the bride’s preferences on a bachelorette party over a bridal shower. Otherwise, it’s all guesswork and the stress is multiplied tenfold.” —Katie Kortebein, Research Assistant Editor
“Not giving your bridesmaids plenty of time to budget their money and vacation days for your wedding events isn’t fair. Nobody wants to be notified that a costly, multi-day destination bachelorette party is suddenly happening in just a few months.” —Ivy Jacobson, Senior Digital Editor
“Like your vendors, you need to feed your bridesmaids—early and often. Let them know if you won’t be providing coffee and breakfast while they’re getting ready so they can make arrangements to buy caffeine and an egg sammie before arriving for hair and makeup. For lunch, it’s polite to treat. For my wedding, I chose our lunch spot about a month in advance of the wedding and emailed around the menu so all my bridesmaids and my mom and mother-in-law could ‘place their lunch order’ in advance of the wedding day. It made them feel taken care of and ensured they could eat to their hearts’ desire on the day of the wedding—whether that’s a double cheeseburger or a garden salad. My sister called in the order the day before the wedding and scheduled a delivery. For me, it removed all the stress, and my bridesmaids were happy campers. Moral of the story: Feed your friends.” —Becky Murray, Real Weddings Editor
“Give her a plus-one. Between the cash she’s shelling out and the enthusiasm she’s maintained through bridesmaid dress shopping and envelope stuffing, she deserves it. You want your wedding to go down in history as the best day ever for everyone. Making sure she has an escort (even if they don’t live together/haven’t been dating for long/even if she’s single right now) will ensure she has a great time. Also, no one wants to blow all their vacation days and fun budget celebrating your life choice. If you’re having a destination wedding, opt for a local bachelorette party; if your family is hosting a few showers for you, only invite your girls to one. Don’t choose the most expensive dress (no one will wear it again—no one) and supplement financially where you can, like treating your girls to hair and makeup on the wedding day. And before you say, ‘But I did it for all of them,’ take the high road and set a new standard—baby showers are next.” —Lauren Kay, Deputy Editor
“If the bride wants everyone to get hair and makeup done but doesn’t want to pay for it, that’s a huge no-no. If she’s not going to pay for it, she should realize that it’s up to each bridesmaid if they’d like to get it done or not—otherwise she has to be okay with DIY.” —Maria Bouselli, Managing Editor
“One of my biggest pet peeves is being asked to wear matching shoes as a bridesmaid. Not only does it look kind of cheesy in photos, but it takes the personality out of the group. Not everyone has the same taste or comfort level where footwear is concerned, and it can be a truly miserable experience to shell out for shoes you’ll never wear again. On the plus side: If you let your friends pick their own shoes (within reason—I get it if Crocs aren’t your thing), they’ll probably pick ones they can comfortably tear up the dance floor in—and who doesn’t want that? Also, be conscious of how much your friends are spending. If you’re planning a destination bachelorette or lavish shower, it’s probably best not to ask for gifts in addition to those splurge-worthy events. Or, if the cost of your bridesmaid dresses is a stretch for some of them, offer to cover hair and makeup. Your bridal party is there to celebrate and support you, but it shouldn’t cause them additional stress or force them into debt.” —Shelley Brown, Fashion & Beauty Editor
“My biggest pet peeve for sure is when bridesmaids make backhanded comments about how much money they’re spending in front of the bride: ‘I’ll be broke by the time this is over. Haha!’ or ‘I can’t go to dinner tonight—that bridesmaid dress sucked me dry! Haha.’ No, not funny. Bad joke. Don’t be rude.” —Andrea Fowler, Content Strategist, The Bash
