So your partner just proposed (congratulations!)—but the ring isn’t really “you.” That actually happens more than you’d think, especially if you aren’t involved in shopping for the ring (although many drop subtle and not-so-subtle hints). We totally get it—after combing the Internet high and low for the perfect sparkler, it’s disappointing if your ring doesn’t match up to the one you’ve been dreaming about. This is a tough situation, but you can probably get the ring you want (or be happy with the one you have) without being rude. Here are your options:
Keep or modify it.
It’s possible that you may grow to love it because of its sentimental status, or be able to create a look that’s more “you” with a wedding band (for instance, if the ring is simpler than you want, a sparkling eternity band can amp up the bling factor). You may also be able to modify it and add a halo, side stones, swap out the band and so on. If not…
…exchange or sell it.
If you seriously can’t stand it (which is fine—you’re the one wearing it), gently and tactfully ask if your partner would mind if you looked at rings together—but don’t forget to reiterate that you’re thrilled to be engaged to him or her. You should be able to return or exchange it within a certain time frame (although there may be a restocking fee and policies depend upon the particular store). If you can’t return it at all, you can always sell it and pick out something more your style. But…
…be aware of the repercussions.
Saying anything may open up all kinds of bad feelings between you and your soon-to-be spouse, but it may be even worse if his family is involved. If it’s an heirloom ring from his great-great-grandmother, tread very lightly. Talk it out with your partner and delicately let him or her know it’s not completely your taste and see if he or she can deal with letting the family know—but don’t do it by yourself. You can also choose a wedding band you love and wear that after you wed, or talk to your spouse about buying a new ring for an anniversary so someone else can pass the ring on.
This topic has been heating up our community boards. Here’s what others had to say in response to a fellow member who asked if she could ask to exchange her ring:
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“Why don’t you just have an adult conversation with your fiancé, he obviously wants you to be happy.” –morphemes
“Just talk to your fiancé. Read the paperwork that came with your ring to see if there is a return policy.” –JCbride2014
“I didn’t choose my engagement ring. My fiance chose it. He is a minimalist, so I have a simple solitaire Tiffany-style ring with a good diamond. I have worn it for 38 years. It wasn’t what I really wanted at the time, but now I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” –CMGragain
