You’re getting married! So, why don’t you feel more excited? The whole party-planning, center-of-attention thing might not gel with your shy or mellow personality—or maybe you like it in theory, but the stress of everything is bogging you down. If you’re worried something’s wrong with you because picking wedding colors, flowers, linens and a first dance song doesn’t make you giddy like it does for other to-be-weds, please believe us when we say this: There is nothing wrong with you!
We know people assume everyone dreams of their wedding since they’ve been little, but guess what—that’s actually not true. You may never have even considered your wedding before getting engaged. Now, since the moment you decided to marry the love of your life (which is the most important thing) you’re bombarded with pressure to plan the perfect wedding, play referee to quarreling family members and act like the blushing newlywed-to-be. Why don’t you feel like other people gushing about diamond rings and party décor? Why don’t you care about cake tastings and wedding favors, color palettes and bachelorette/bachelor party plans? In fact, you might not even be used to calling your fiancé your fiancé yet.
Sound like you? It’s beyond normal and 100 percent okay. Here are some ways to find joy throughout the wedding process, especially if you’re feeling odd about not being as excited as you should be. And, for the record, there’s no “right” way to feel—these suggestions should help you celebrate and get in touch with what’s important to you while you prep for a very happy day.
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Toss Tradition
Couples don’t adhere to wedding traditions because they have to—they do because they want to. Simply put, marriage traditions aren’t the law, and you’re free to skip whatever doesn’t work for you, makes you uncomfortable or simply doesn’t fit your budget. Never been excited to wear a white gown and carry a bouquet? Don’t. Hate the idea of organizing a shower and opening gifts in front of everybody? Skip it (or find an alternative). Not wearing a black tux and cutting the cake like every other couple you’ve seen on Pinterest won’t make you any less married than they are.
Keep Your Guest List Small
If you’re careful to invite only your closest, most special friends and family, you’ll be so much more excited about the day to come. You won’t be stressing about trying to please and impress people you’ve never met or barely know. If knowing your wedding will be a close-knit party of your favorite people (who absolutely adore you) doesn’t give you butterflies of excitement, we don’t know what will. Plus, if you’re a shy person, this should definitely help calm your nerves and alleviate some stress.
Incorporate Something Personal
Think of what makes you happy in everyday life. Is it food, charity work, travel, sports or just hanging out with your fiancé doing absolutely nothing? Brainstorm creative ways to play up your favorite hobbies and activities at your wedding (a wedding planner can be super helpful with this). It could be anything, like hosting an intimate reception at your favorite restaurant, including a charity on your registry, or saying “I do” barefoot on the beach (shoes optional for guests too). Find what makes you smile and what makes you comfortable, then share it with the people you love.
Make It an Excuse to Hang With Friends
The opportunity to spend this kind of quality time with your best friends and relatives only comes around once in a blue moon. When it comes to your wedding attendants, don’t worry about labels and parties you’re “supposed” to have. Take the pressure off and think of these gatherings as an excuse to chill with your favorites—and make sure you’re doing activities (if you’re an activities person, of course) you love, whether it’s going to brunch and getting manicures, watching scary movies over piles of popcorn or hiking a beautiful trail to your go-to picnic spot.
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Don’t Rush It
Who says you have to seal the deal right after getting engaged? It’s perfectly okay to put wedding plans on hold before racing to the finish line. Give yourself a chance to breathe and get used to the idea of going from “me” to “we”—getting engaged is exciting in its own right. Despite all the hype and pressure to fit a mold, weddings and marriages are deeply personal and should come from an organic feeling of being ready to profess your love and commitment. Waiting until it feels right (emotionally and logistically) doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or don’t believe in marriage. It doesn’t make you a bad person or abnormal—it’s actually incredibly mature and healthy.
Think About Your Partner
Your fiancé, your one and only, your ride or die—the reason for everything. Never lose sight of why you’re planning a wedding in the first place, and you won’t stay stressed or anxious for long. Also, make sure you’re tag-teaming this whole wedding thing. That way, and more practically, not all the burden will fall on you, and your wedding will be a more authentic reflection of you two. Remember, you’re in this together and should celebrate in a way that feels right, whether you elope at city hall or rent a ballroom and ride in on a horse.
