My fiance wants to invite his ex-girlfriend to our wedding. He says they are still friends, but they haven’t even talked in six months (as far as I know, at least). He claims to be friends with all his exes actually, even the ones that were horrible to him. Is he just being friendly, or does he want to show her he has someone else and show me that other women have been interested in having serious relationships with him too? Am I being totally insecure? If I am, I want to mend my ways before I jeopardize our relationship.
A:
You have a right to be comfortable with your guest list. If it weirds you out to have his ex there, then let him know that. It’s your wedding day too! Even if you are being insecure, that doesn’t mean you should grin and bear it. However, if the fact that you would feel better if his ex-girlfriend wasn’t there is something that threatens your relationship, you really need to talk about it. Your fiance should respect your feelings.
As far as what’s in his head, he very well could harbor some vengeful feelings, like you said, and may want to prove a point to his ex by having her there. And the fact that he tries to maintain friendships with exes who didn’t treat him well might say something about his own insecurity. It sounds like you two should have a good talk about past relationships in general — on your end, too — and make sure you’re both going into your marriage looking forward, not back.
