What Grooms Really Think About Wedding Planning

Kellen, Sacramento, California

Kellen, a lawyer, married his bride, Allison, on October 18, 2014. Looking back, he shares what he wishes he knew along the way. (Then read Allison’s side of the story here.)

I wish I knew…that you can’t make everyone happy.

When you’re planning a wedding, you’re dealing with hundreds of people, and it’s simply not possible to please everyone. But guess what. If someone’s not happy with your wedding, that’s not your problem, it’s that person’s problem. Allison had issues with a few friends not stepping up to help her out with planning. But we had to just say, “Screw it. It’s our day, and we’re not going to let anyone ruin it.” Besides, once the big day comes, everyone—even the “problem people”—are happy. It’s practically impossible to not be happy at a wedding.

I wish I knew…that a wedding day coordinator was well worth it.

We hired a “day of” coordinator for a few hundred dollars, and it was worth every penny. Our DJ flaked out the morning of our wedding (it was my task to hire the DJ) and after the initial freak-out, I just called the coordinator, and she took care of it. It was such a load off my mind to be able to pass off that problem to her—I had enough to think about! If you can’t afford a coordinator, designate a point person—one of your groomsman or another trusted guest—to deal with details and problem-solve, like directing people to their seats or running out to get food for the wedding party before the ceremony.

I wish I knew…to pick my battles.

You can’t argue over every little thing! There are a gazillion decisions that need to be made, and you have to work together to get it done. Take a step back, listen to your bride and realize that in many cases, whatever you’re arguing over—invitations, seating charts, or favors—it’s probably more important to her. Often, I could see that if something really meant that much to her, I’d just let it go. Figure out what your top five most important wedding details are (for me, it was having five groomsmen and I wasn’t budging on it even though Allison wanted a smaller wedding party) and lobby for those.

I wish I knew…to scrutinize every contract.

I’m a lawyer, so this was top of mind for me, but I don’t think a lot of couples know that they can negotiate vendor contracts. Some businesses ask for full payment upfront, and I refused to do that because if they don’t follow through or do a bad job, then you’re stuck. I was glad I didn’t pay the DJ in full ahead of time since he ended up canceling (thankfully, I was able to get my deposit back). Just know that you can amend the terms to any contract before you sign it.

I wish I knew…to stay true to my wedding.

I was worried that we worked and planned and that I was going to be let down. But once the big day rolled around, it became apparent that all that planning was for something. It was literally the perfect day—a beautiful church ceremony followed by a fantastic reception at a favorite restaurant with amazing food. Allison looked perfect, and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. So know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you plan it well, you’ll experience a great sense of accomplishment.