Growing up, Stephanie Cain, The Knot real weddings editor, always admired her grandparents’ happy marriage. (The two were hitched for more than 50 years!) Now a newlywed, she finds herself thinking often of the lessons she absorbed from her now 89-year-old grandfather, Bernard. For one, “I learned that relationships are hard work, but worth every moment,” Stephanie says. Read on below for more of her grandfather’s relationship wisdom.
Marry your best friend
“My grandfather and grandmother were married for more than 50 years, until she passed away about six years ago. I saw them at their happiest—most of the time—but I also saw them disagree. What I learned from them is that you can make it in the long run but it takes work. Also, no relationship is perfect, but if you’re committed to one another and committed to resolving disagreements, you’ll come out on top. He definitely admits to marrying his best friend (who also happened to be gorgeous and a model!). And I did the same thing—my husband is my best friend too.”
Find a partner who supports your dreams—and vice versa
“Growing up [seeing my grandparents together], I saw what a long, healthy and happy relationship looked like. My grandmother was a college graduate who worked professionally before having kids, which was unusual for that generation, so I always knew that you could be a career woman and a wife. And the two of them always supported women’s education in my family—my mom went on to become an audiologist and speech pathologist and my aunt became an accountant. My grandfather obviously respected my grandmother’s independence and encouraged me not to lose who I am in a relationship, to keep living out my dream and to know that the right husband (obviously mine!) will support you in doing that. That said, you have to work to make their dreams happen too.
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“My grandfather is always on the go, volunteering, working and living out his passions, and my grandmother was right there with him. They had similar hobbies and just loved doing things together, whether it was traveling or attending church. I think it’s really important to have shared interests or adopt some new shared interests together. While my husband and I started out with a lot of the same passions (we both love travel, entertaining, literature, art and philanthropy), we make an effort to try things the other likes, including superhero movies, horse racing, wine, photography and real estate.”
Love can come around again
“Years after my grandmother passed away, my grandfather found partnership with another woman. She’s also a widower and they met at church. I think they both really helped one another with the grieving process and fell in love during that time. Instead of just living together, they both truly believe in the institution and beauty of marriage—so they made it official by getting married in a Catholic church, with a formal reception, live band, wedding cake, first dance, speeches by a best man and maid of honor, and they even honeymooned in Maui! They really wanted to be formally committed to one another, and I think that’s something we should aspire to—even in old age, we can celebrate committing to one another in front of friends and family.”
