For a lot of brides and grooms, there’s a slight chance your family could embarrass you a little during your wedding (or at the events leading up to it!). And we’ve even heard of some brides and grooms who are afraid to get engaged and/or have a wedding ceremony because they know their family will act out and embarrass them.
“There is a huge difference between zany, quirky relatives who love you, who may say or do something cringe worthy, and ones who are toxic and destructive. Many parents, siblings, and other relatives are unfortunately intrusive, insensitive, abusive, and jealous and can try to or ruin a wedding,” says Diane Peters Mayer, MSW, psychotherapist and author of Overcoming School Anxiety.
If you’re afraid that your family’s behavior may go beyond just a tiny, embarrassing quip in a toast, the first step is to talk with partner and maybe consider going to counseling with them so you can honestly communicate these issues. “Getting help a must if you want to live a good life in spite of family issues,” Diane says. Discuss who are the loose cannons in your family and who you both are worried about.
When you decide who really worries you, it’s time to have a chat with that family member. Diane recommends writing down what you want to say to them and bringing it with you as a road map in case you get upset. It’s very important to stay calm (try taking deep breaths) no matter what the other person says. Then, before you get to your first critique, find a way to show the person you love them.
Click here to preview your posts with PRO themes ››
Diane also recommends using the word “I” when telling your relative what is bothering you and then letting them know that their behavior is unacceptable. “It is likely you will get a defensive response, but don’t back down,” she says. “You want them at your wedding, tell them that, and thank them for respecting your feelings, even if they don’t want to.”
And have a plan in case something does go wrong. Maybe consider hiring security if you’re worried about arguing and fighting. Try to stay calm by breathing or using other relaxation techniques. “Decide that nothing, not even toxic people, who will be dealt with swiftly, will mar the happiness of the day,” says Diane.
Are you afraid your family will embarrass you at your wedding? Tell us in the comments below!
Want more? Right here!
> Hidden photographers is a hot new proposal trend
> How can I bring up a prenup?
> How long is too long to be engaged?
