If you have any single friends, you might be guilty of committing singlism—a new term coined by a Harvard-trained social psychologist, Bella DePaulo, Ph.D.
Wondering what that even means? According to DePaulo, “Singlism is the stigmatizing of adults who are single. It includes negative stereotyping of singles and discrimination against singles.”
(She even wrote a whole book on the subject entitled Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After.)
DePaulo has basically debunked every theory about the benefits of marriage compared to the “dangers” of staying single—legitimately offensive falsehoods like married people are happier and know best, and single people are always looking for relationships and will probably “die alone.”
If you think you’re not guilty of it, think again—the subtle ways you talk about marriage (especially during wedding planning) could secretly be hurting and marginalizing your single friends.
Maybe it’s something as seemingly innocuous as, “I have the perfect guy to set you up with at the wedding!” or “Don’t worry, there will be tons of other single people there.” While they might seem harmless (or even helpful), it could potentially be extremely upsetting to someone who wasn’t even worrying about being single or wanting to be fixed up to begin with.
Moral of the story? Just be aware when you’re around your single friends while talking about your wedding or marriage—as far as you know, they could be just as thrilled about being single as you are to be coupled up.
